“Are you sure you want to go to New York, Chris? It is awfully far away, and becoming an acting tree is not easy” his mother says with all the love and care within her. There are already tears in her eyes. She is scared for him, scared that he might fail or get his heart and dreams broken, scared that something terrible is going to happen to him and she cannot be there to make it better, and scared that she will never see her baby again. Even though she does not understand his dream, she has always felt that there was a special bond between them, but now he is going so far away.
“Why don’t ya stay here in the forest with me and ya ma. Work a few summers producing oxygen and house a squirrel, ya know good old honest work, then ya can head to the city if ya still want” his dad says like a dad would, not showing his emotions and always thinking practical. He has seen many young trees returning home depressed, without a job or an education and realising too late that a life on the stage is not all it has been hyped up to be. To him it is a foolish dream.
Chris knows they only want him the best in life, but he also knows that they have never felt this longing inside him. How could they? The world was a different place when they grew up and all they have known is the forest. They have spent their entire lives here, producing oxygen and harvesting carbon. Never have they been to the city and watched the other trees perform decorated with shining lights, colourful garlands and glistering decorations. They have never experienced the breathtaking wondrous joy that is the performance of Bruce the Norwegian Spruce in Rockefeller Center. To be fair he has only watched Bruce perform on TV through the lumberjack’s window every December, but he has dreamt of how much greater it would be to be there himself. “I have waited thirteen years for this, counting down every second, saved up every dollar, and practiced every day. The city is where I belong, I can feel it in my heart and my roots. Besides, it is only for winter, I’ll be back when the season is over. The rest of the year I will be harvesting carbon and housing squirrels”.
As the eighteen-wheeler drives into the truck stop, Chris kisses his mom and dad goodbye and with a last look back at the forest he boards it. There are already many trees of every kind aboard, making themselves comfortable for the long ride across the country. Knowing he is going all the way to the end of the line, he finds a spot in the back of the truck. For hours they drive from forest to forest and plantation to plantation, picking up commuters, travellers and as they get closer to the city, other dreamers like him. “Hi, my name’s Stacy. Can I stand here?” a dainty Eastern White Pine asks after a stop at a tree plantation. Chris only manages to say his name, before she drops her luggage next to his and takes up the spot. “Are you also going to the tree lot in New York?”.
“Yes, how did you know?” Chris eagerly joins the conversation, happy to finally have met a kindred spirit. “I’m so excited to finally be able to go to New York and follow my dream of becoming an actor”.
His words attract the attention of a Nordmann Fir reaching above five meters. “Hi, I’m Graham, and did I hear correctly that this is your going to the city too? Is this your first time?” he asks with an air of superiority. “You are in for a good time. I have been to the tree lot five times now and gotten some roles in some minor theatres for the experience; the first year I was at a mall. This year I’m going for a bigger role”. He turns and signals two other Nordmann Firs to come over. They are both shorter than Graham but still much taller than Chris. “This is Cole and Kevin. They come from the same plantation as me”.
In a pitying move, Kevin wraps a branch around him “you are going to the tree lot? You might not want to aim too high. Showbusiness is tough and they have very particular ideas of what a good tree is. Only the most perfect trees are given the best performances". His tone sounds friendly and caring, but his nonchalant gestures to Chris’ body suggest something else.
Cole pushes Kevin playfully aside like what he said is a bad joke between friends just like boys do. “Don’t worry, most trees get a performing job if they last the two weeks. It doesn’t matter what you look like if you got the talent”.
Preoccupied by the others’ stories and surrounded by the darkness of winter, Chris does not realise they have entered New York until they are surrounded by apartment buildings reaching far into the sky, like a manmade forest of steel and glass. Signs, billboards and lights of every colour and shape decorates those enormous manmade constructions. There are Christmas decorations hanging across the roads, at every street corner and in every shop window. It is a new magical world of wonders, just like he imagined it would be. His heart is beating excitedly inside his trunk the same way it did the first time he saw the trees perform at the Christmas market. To him it is just as breathtaking and beautiful as the grazing deer in the snow-covered fields near the forest while the morning sun rises over the horizon. His mind wanders off into an imagination about all the things he is going to experience here and no longer listens to what the others are saying, all he wants to do is look at the lights. When the truck stops at the tree lot about thirty trees get off with wide eyes and excitement painted in their faces. It is a beautifully decorated lot with copious amounts of Christmas lights formed to depict snowmen, reindeers, Christmas trees and more. Two inflatable Santas are placed around the gates like guardian lion statues. From within the lot comes an aroma of fresh brewed coffee, hot cocoa, cinnamon and roast nuts.
“Welcome to the tree lot, for the next two weeks this will be your home. Come take a crate of decorations and find out where to store your belongings. Remember to sign up for classes. First lesson will begin at eight tomorrow morning, do not be late”.
Stacy eagerly drags Chris inside the lot to stand in line for the class sign up sheet. There are at least a hundred in front of them already. “What classes are you thinking about taking? I’m going to do skating, singing and maybe air-crobatics”.
“Air-crobatics?” Chris could not imagine swinging around in a rope, he likes his roots firmly planted on the ground. “I’m just going to do dancing and singing. That’s all I want to do anyway”.
“Look at the crooked one, he thinks he is going to be a dancer. Nobody wants to look at a tree like him” they hear someone loudly mock Chris’ appearance.
“Don’t mind those fools Chris, you can do anything you want to do” Stacy tries to comfort, but the words still hurt. It is the same words that the trees back in forest used to mock him when he told them that he wanted to be a dancer at Broadway.
After the sign up, they collect their crate with ornaments filled with all kinds of nice decorative trinkets and colourful garlands. They go sit in the middle of the lot, looking at all the beautiful hopeful trees that have come here to take a chance on a different life. “You two should get some sleep, it has been a long day on the road. You will need your energy for tomorrow's lessons. It is hard work” Graham says as he finds them. “I’m staying in section three. It’s for the experienced trees”.
They decide to take Graham’s advice and turn in for the night, but Chris is unable to sleep. He is too excited. He wants to dance and sing and to explore the city. He wants tomorrow to come, and he wants to spend it having fun with his new friends. So instead of sleeping, he gazes at the night sky. It is different from back in the forest. The stars are barely visible here and the Milky Way is completely gone, erased by the flickering dancing lights of the city skyline. It feels deeper and darker, like he could jump into it and swim across the sky and reach the moon. And as he stares out into the universe, he soon finds him floating away into the darkness of the night. One by one the stars shake loose from where they have been hanging and invite him to dance, spinning and spinning around.
“Wake up Chris, we’re going to be late” Stacy shakes him awake with way too much energy. The faint winter sun is making its appearance known behind the fluffy grey clouds and white snow is falling around them this morning. “Why are you still sleeping? Class begins in half an hour”.
Forcefully pulled from his enjoyable dream, Chris quickly straightens his needles and throws on a few decorations without much thought to style and his golden bell he proudly hangs for all to see. He then hurries to dance class together with Stacy who had been so friendly to check what class he had gotten accepted to. The other trees are dressed very fashionable with their decorations and give dirty looks as he enters the class. None of them finds it dignified to answer him as he greets them. “What’s with everybody? Have I done something wrong?” he whispers to Stacy as they take their spots just seconds before the teacher struts in.
“No, you’re fine. Don’t pay them any attention and just focus on the class” she replies, but inside she is furious at how they are all acting like they can catch ugliness from acknowledging Chris. She knows he is not conventionally handsome, but she finds him as beautiful as he is unique.
“Silence class, silence” the teacher says almost mechanically. “I am your ballet instructor, Katarina, and I am going to teach you the basic steps. Some of you may have trained ballet before and some of you are here for the very first time, but no matter what, I will not tolerate dilly-dallying in my class. Give it your all or get out. Now follow me”.
For three hours Katarina drills them through the basic steps, plié, tendu and revelé. For Chris, these exercises seem extra difficult, as unlike many of the others, he has never had any real dance training. Even if his parents had believed in his dreams there would have been no one to teach him. Instead, he made up his own moves or tried to copy what he saw on tv or at the Christmas shows. Every time he falls over, he can feel the others judging him, and Katarina seems very displeased with lack of balance and his inflexibility. Next to him is Stacy, doing much better, bending elegantly, as if a light breeze has been caught in her branches.
“That was a fun class” Stacy smiles happily as they leave it. They now have an hour break to relax and get some sun before she has a class in air-crobatics, and he has a singing class.
Chris is quite sore from all the falls he has taken and feels both humiliated and humbled. He used to think he was an adequate dancer, but now he feels like he will never be good enough. “Well, you are good at it. I can’t even keep balance while doing a plié”.
“You just need to practice some more and do some stretches, and you will have it in no time. That is why we are here, to learn and improve our skills” she says encouragingly as she grabs his branches and swings him around.
Three tall and slender Greek Firs bump into Chris, pushing him to the ground. “Watch it freak” they rudely yell and laugh as they leave. He recognises them from the dance class, they were standing right behind him, laughing every time he fell.
“Are you alright?” Graham hurries over to help Chris up. He is covered in silver glitter and with his branches styled like a stereotypical Christmas tree. “Some trees can be real pompous dicks. How has your first class been? Mine was hard and exhausting; it is an entirely new difficulty, but my teacher says I might be able to get a part in a Broadway production this year" he excitedly informs them.
“That’s amazing, congratulations Graham” Stacy says supportively, showing genuine happiness on their behalf.
A little envious Chris gives Graham a congratulatory hug “that is good news Graham, you are going to be great. You must be so excited”.
“I am, but it’s not a sure thing yet. I still have to prove that I deserve it. You can do it too Chris, you just have to keep working hard and practice every day. It will come one day, wait and see” Graham sincerely advises him. Chris reminds him of the first time he went to New York, all wide eyed and full of the naive youthful spirit. “The same goes for you, Stacy. Whatever you want to do, you just have to work for it”.
“Oh, I know, but I’m just here to have fun and get some new experiences” Stacy smiles confidently and completely carefree. “What about we go out tonight? I know a good place”.
Going out tonight to explore the city sounds fun to Chris, he has always dreamt of seeing New York, but he is nervous. He has never been out on his own at night, back home there was nowhere to go. “Are you sure that’s okay? We won’t get in trouble or anything?”.
“Don’t worry, we will take care of you” Stacy giggles and somehow it does calm him down a bit. There is something about her relaxed, nonchalant confidence that makes him feel better.
“Alright, I’ll see if Cole and Kevin want to join us” Graham says and leaves to go to his next class.
Feeling good about going out tonight, Chris heads to his singing where he takes place down in the corner. However, the feeling does not last long as none of the other trees wants to stand too close to him, so a small divide forms between him and the rest of the class. Without Stacy he suddenly feels very alone. “Hello class, I am Miss Astra, your singing teacher. I want to start today getting to know each of your voices. So, one by one you will be singing a little bit”.
Taking turns, everybody gets up in front of the class to sing a few lines of Do They Know It’s Christmas. Most of the others sound really great, there are only a few who cannot carry a tune and are laughed at, but Chris enjoys listening to them anyway, and then it becomes his turn. He has always loved to sing and cannot wait to show them all what he can do. “Oh, look he believes he can sing, like anyone wants to see him perform” he hears someone whisper as he walks up to the front. “If I looked like him, I wouldn’t want to draw attention to myself” another tree replies. Their words hit him like an axe to his trunk, making him want to cry and leave but he continues. He turns around to find them all staring at him and he can feel how they want him to fail. They want him to be bland and unimpressive. It makes him scared to try and so he decides to hold back. He decides not to show them what he can do.
Later, after the classes are done for the day, he meets with Stacy and Graham outside the tree lot. They have both dressed up in stylish glitter and gold. “Are Cole and Kevin coming?” he asks.
Graham shakes his head “no, it turns out they are not as cool as I thought, but that shouldn’t stop us from having fun. Where to, Stacy?”.
Without further explanation, Stacy leads them out into the city to enjoy the evening and night, but Chris does have a feeling that it has something to do with him. To start it all off, she takes them by Broadway, making Chris realise that though he has been dreaming of performing here his entire life, he never knew what Broadway actually looked like. They take a quick stroll down the street, looking at all the theatres and sharing stories they have heard. He really enjoys being here with them, imagining what it will be like to perform here, yet a thought is haunting him, an echo from earlier “if I looked like him, I wouldn’t want to draw attention to myself”. Would anybody even want to watch him perform?
Then they swing by Rockefeller Square to watch Bruce the Spruce in all his glory, shining red, gold and green. It is as incredible to watch him perform, dancing delicately as a flower swaying in the wind and singing softly as a bird. Thousands of people are standing around Bruce singing Christmas carols, taking pictures and honouring him with small tokens of appreciation. It chills Chris how beautiful it is, and he cannot help getting tears in his eyes. He watches Bruce in awe; there is no doubt in him. This is truly what he wants to do, this is his heart’s desire. However, once again he is haunted by an echo “...like anyone wants to see him perform” and his mood falls away. If only he was beautiful, if only he was good enough. He plasters on a smile to hide the pain he is feeling inside and buys them some hot cocoa before they go skating in the ice rink. Stacy flies around, light as a feather and spinning like a golden dreidel. She is much better than both Chris and Graham, who are tumbling over, trying their best not to fall. Finally, as night falls, she leads them to a small karaoke bar with an open stage. Inside they find many trees like them, in all shapes and sizes, dressed in all kinds of ornaments, some more traditional, others homemade, and others again with big expensive and flashy ornaments.
“Welcome to the Evergreens, darlings. You guys are a handsome bunch. Are you from the tree lot?” a Cooper Pine looking like a Syrian Fir greets them by sprinkling them with glitter “come take a seat, Clitoria Tarnatea is just about to take the stage. You are going to love her”. She shows them to a table close to the stage where they can see everything.
A butch Sugar Pine covered in purple flowers steps out on the stage and begins to sing her rendition of Mistletoe. She moves and sings in a way hitherto unfamiliar to Chris, showing off her curves and the bark between her branches. It is both provocative, flirtatious, and entertaining, and at times the entire bar joins in, singing with her. “I never knew places like this existed. It is amazing. Where I’m from there is only the forest and a small town, but everything is just shades of green and brown. Here it is colourful, beautiful and shining” Chris says loudly to the others without taking his eyes off Clitoria.
“You should get up there and sing” Stacy encourages “I think you will love it”.
“Yeah, you should really do it. We should all do it. It is a good way to practice performing in front of others” Graham agrees. He was very nervous the first time he performed on stage, and he ended up falling over and breaking a couple of branches. A story he will not be telling Chris until he has done his first real performance. One thing is to perform in class, but it is completely different to perform on stage in front of strangers, and he does not want to freak him out. “I think I’m going to do Santa Baby”. He confidently rises from his seat and goes to the bar before returning with three drinks in his branches together with the sign-up sheet.
The night goes on with fun and laughter and soon Chris finds himself on stage as the third one of them. The others had done great and everybody loved them, and now that it is his turn he feels the nerves. He feels like he is back at singing class with everybody staring at him. At home in the forest, he never had trouble singing in front of others, but now he feels scared. What if they are going to hate him? Maybe he should just like in class and hold back. He nervously grabs the mic and looks over the many expecting faces in the crowd, they are warmer and friendlier than his classmates. The music turns on and for a moment it feels like the whole world slows down. His heart begins to beat loudly in his chest, and his mouth feels dry. He wants to run. “Come on honey, you can do it. Show us what you got” he hears the Cooper Pine call to him. He takes a deep breath and as the first words of Fairytale of New York escape his lips the entire bar gasps. The melodic beauty of his voice takes them by surprise, and their positive energy radiates back to him, giving him confidence and a sense of ease. He gives it a little more power, and the crowd cheers him on, singing along on the female voice. It feels good to perform for them. Standing here on stage is everything he has dreamt it would be, and nobody is making fun of his body or deformity; they all accept him as he is. Back home in the forest he did not have many friends; most found him weird for his interest in performing; they laughed at him when he said he wanted to go to New York. That is why he always went to the forest lake alone. But here, in this bar, they seem to love him.
“Oooh, that was amazing honey. You got real talent” the Cooper Pine comments as he passes them by on his way to the table. He feels all ecstatic from performing and lets out tears of joy as he sits down.
“That was so great. If you sing like that in class, they might pick you for a Broadway performance” Graham hugs him. He is very proud of his new friend.
The days go by in a blur as classes and practices have become more and more difficult, and before he knows it, the two weeks have almost come to an end, and the weekend of the big talent showcase has arrived. Talent scouts from all of New York have come to find the trees needed for their Christmas productions. Many have already been up on stage, and it is soon Chris’ turn, but he does not feel ready at all. Though he has spent most of his free time out in the alley behind the tree lot practicing his dancing, he feels as stiff and unbalanced as on the first day, and he has barely had time to hang with Stacy and Graham who both have been busy with their own classes and practice.
“Good luck Chris, I know you are going to be great. Just be yourself. You are amazing” Stacy hugs him before she leaves to go backstage to prepare for her showcase. “I’ll be cheering for you in the audience when it is your turn”.
Chris wishes that he could stay and watch her performance, but she is doing a combined skating and air-crobatics performance, and he has to be on one of the other stages shortly after she is done. He should already be backstage decorating himself and warming up, but he had to wish her good luck. As soon as she is gone, he runs back to his sleeping quarters to pick up his decorations.
“Look at the freak”.
“Lose some weight fatty”.
“Go home”.
“No one wants to hire you”.
He hears the other trees calling after him as he passes them by. As the days went by the bullying from the other trees has only become worse, pushing him around, calling him names, laughing at him and more. It has become so bad that he does not know if he still wants to continue, and every night he has been crying himself to sleep, hiding alone in the far corner of their section. Nervous and scared to be performing in front of all these trees who hate him, he grabs his box of decorations, but instead of the pretty colour ornaments he was given on the first day he only finds trash and garbage.
“Suck it loser. Decorate yourself as you are, ugly trash” a group of trees, including Kevin and Cole jumps out from where they were hiding, laughing at their prank, throwing more trash at him. A big wad of sucky and muddy newspaper hits him in the face and as he runs out of the section, crying and cowering, trying to avoid getting hit by anything else, someone trips him and he falls, landing in the murky snow. Several of his branches get bent and his needles are soaked. “Run a long crybaby” they laugh at him as he leaves the tree lot to hide for the rest of the day. He does not want to go back inside or to perform. He just wants to go home and never come back. They have ruined it all.
“Are you okay mister?” the small voice of a child asks. Chris looks up in surprise and finds two small children, a boy and a girl, looking up at him. He had not heard anyone approach him.
“You look sad, mister? Are you sad?”.
“Where are your decorations? Are you sad because you don’t have any?”.
“Nyla, Marcus, leave that nice tree alone” children’s father says as he comes walking towards them with bags in his hands. He sits down next to Chris and places the bags on the ground. “I’m sorry about them. They just love Christmas trees”.
Chris wipes his face and tries to smile “it’s alright. I’ve just had a really bad day”.
“It looks like it. Do you want to talk about it?” the father says while pulling out a pack of wet wipes from one of the bags. “Here, let me help you. I’m Malik by the way”.
Chris smiles appreciatively, Malik feels comfortable to be near and he cannot help but open up to him. “I’m Chris. I came here to become an actor. Ever since I was a little sprout, I have dreamt of being a Christmas tree on stage, shining with beautiful decorations. But nearly everybody inside the tree lot hates me” he cries.
“Is that why you are out here right now? Did they do this to you?” Malik gently wipes the dirt and mud away.
“I was going to pick up my decorations for the big talent showcase. I have to get on stage in twenty minutes. But they have taken my ornaments and replaced them with trash, and then they threw trash at me. They also threw trash at me and called me names. So, I tried to run, but I fell in the snow” Chris can hardly keep it together, but it feels good to talk with a proper adult.
Malik hugs Chris, like a dad would hug a son. “I’m so sorry you had to experience that, it sounds awful. People can be really awful towards those who are different or look different, and it makes me sad to hear how they have turned your dream into a nightmare. I would understand if you don’t want to go back in there and do your showcase. They don’t deserve to see you perform, and you don’t deserve to be treated that way. However, if it is still your dream to be an actor and to shine on stage, then I think you should try. If you don’t do it, and it is okay if you don’t, those horrible trees will have robbed you of something special and it could haunt you forever. So, you should take a moment to feel inside your heart what is the right thing for you. Do not think of anybody but yourself. Ask yourself what you truly want and then do it”.
They sit in silence for a moment watching Nyla and Marcus play in the snow, having fun together. Every now and then they look at Chris with joy and a sparkle in their eyes. They look at him the same way he looked at the tree dancing in town when he was a sprout, and it brings him joy to watch their happy faces. This is why he wanted to be an actor, to bring joy and wonder, and to shine beautifully. “I think I want to go back and perform, but I don’t have any decorations, except my golden bell”.
“Dad, we got decorations. Can we decorate him?” Nyla asks excitedly and begins to pull angel hair and garlands out of the bags.
“Of course we can Nyla, to help others brings us straight to the nice list” Malik helps Nyla and Marcus open the boxes and lift them up to decorate Chris.
A moment later, he is standing on stage, just in time for his performance. He is dressed in cheap store-bought decorations that hangs randomly all over him. He can see many in the audience point at him, laughing. He takes a deep breath, preparing himself, and as the melody begins to play time slows down, just like back at the Evergreens. He is nervous but determined to do this. Then a familiar voice calls from the crowd “come on honey, you can do it. Show us what you got”. The Cooper Pine and many others from the bar are standing next to Graham and Stacy. It makes him happy to see all the trees who have accepted him as he is, waiting supportingly for him to begin. With a smile and love in his heart he begins to sing his rendition of Beautiful, surprising all his bullies with an angelic voice, making many cry. He was finally shining.
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